The Assault Cycle
The Triggering Phase
All pupils have a normal or baseline set of non-aggressive behaviours. The
triggering phase is the pupil’s first behaviour, which indicates a movement
away from their baseline.
The Escalation Phase
The pupil’s behaviour deviates more and more from baseline. Without
intervention it becomes less amenable to diversion. The pupil becomes overly
focused on a particular issue.
The Crisis Phase
As the pupil (and staff) become increasingly physically, emotionally and
psychologically aroused, control over aggressive impulses lessens and
assault or attack becomes more likely.
The Recovery Phase
The pupil’s high state of physical and emotional arousal can remain a threat
for up to 90 minutes after the incident.
The Post-crisis Depression Stage
The pupil regresses below baseline behaviour. Mental and physical
exhaustion is common and the pupil may become tearful, remorseful, guilty,
ashamed, distraught or despairing.
Provocation phase
Your aim is to reduce anxiety, identify any underlying problems, establish
rapport and seek, where possible, a resolution of the problems.
Tactics:
• personalise: use names and relationships;
• reassure: offer praise where possible;
• planned ignoring: may be appropriate where behaviour appears to be
attention seeking, if this result in escalation, an appropriate intervention
must be made.
Skills (to use during all phases)
• active listening: really concentrate – do not work on other tasks (such as
speaking on the phone)
• paraphrase and summarise: repeat statements in your own words;
• reflect feeling: comment on feelings and identify them, for example, ‘you
are feeling really anxious.’;
• open questions: ‘tell me about …’ to invite exploration of the problem.
Escalation phase
Your aims will include those above; however, it may become apparent that the
behaviour presents an actual or potential risk. The focus of concern must,
therefore, move from the person-centred approach above to one in which risk
reduction, by the de-escalation and limitation of the problem behaviour,
becomes the priority. In this case, your tactics will be those outlined below:
• remove compliance: ‘please stop doing that’;
• remove the audience: an audience may encourage the aggressor; it will be
easier to remove them than the aggressor.
If the behaviour continues to escalate:
• summon help: be discreet – use a coded message;
• co-ordinate: the assistance available;
• use of voice: raised voice or a shout may shock/deflect.
Crisis Phase
Your aims will be to prevent further escalation, to reduce emotional arousal
and to redirect and re-engage thinking (away from anger).
Tactics:
• Maintain dialogue: keep the person talking.
• Silence: allowing silence can allow the other person space to regain
control. However, you need to monitor their mood closely to avoid a buildup
of tension.
• Sit down: this can remove the power disparity. Take care not to put
yourself at a disadvantage or to reduce your ability to escape.

 

 

How to diffuse other people’s anger
Nearly everyone at one time has been on the receiving end of someone else’s
anger, whether it was with a boss, employee, co-worker, client or customer.
Through those miserable experiences we have hopefully learned one
important thing: joining people in their anger and firing back verbal assaults
doesn’t solve the problem. In fact, many times it only makes it worse.
If we want to effectively deal with the problem in such a way that resolves the
issue and maintains the relationship, we need to employ certain key strategies
and behaviours. Following is a list of the ten most effective ones:
1. Listen first
This strategy takes skills, especially when we feel that we are right and
the other person is wrong. And even though we may not be speaking
while the angry person is stating her case, our non-verbal body language
is usually screaming, ‘Okay, you idiot. I know I’m right, and you know I’m
right. So I’ll listen – but only for you to shut up so I can start talking.’
Instead we need to listen to understand. Clear you mind of any
distractions and listen for information you don’t have. Assume the other
person has (in his or her mind) a legitimate reason for being upset and
then listen for what it is. Nod occasionally to indicate that you are
listening. And while you are listening, remember to …
2. Maintain a neutral face
Experts tell us that despite what we’re saying, as much as 55% of our
message’s meaning comes from visual indicators: posture, gestures,
body positioning, etc. We also know that as much as 75% of that 55%
comes from our face. Therefore, when dealing with an irate person, you
need to make a conscious effort to relax your face, unclench your jaw and
lift your eyebrows. Think, ‘open, pleasant, neutral, relaxed.’
3. Maintain a level voice
Most of us get extremely reactive (either defensive or offensive) when we
hear someone begin to speak in an angry manner. Since as much as
38% of our message’s meaning can be found in our vocal qualities, we
need to make our voice match the thoughts we want to convey. For
example, if you’re speaking with someone who is angry and you think to
yourself, ‘OK, I’ll humour you, but everything you are saying is total
garbage,’ then that message will be communicated loudly in your vocal
tone. Instead, use the same tone of voice you would use if you were calm
and relaxed.
4. Feed back what you hear
While you are listening, you will encounter many places where you can
say things like, ‘No one called you back that day, is that right?’ or, ‘It
sounds like this entire experience was extremely frustrating for you’. This
Creative Education Limited 4753 Page 27
will let the other person know you’re listening and that you understand the
situation.
5. Change what the person is focused on
When someone is angry and upset, one of the first things you need to do
is change his or her emotional state. You can do this by interrupting the
person’s pattern and refocusing his or her attention. Some common ways
to do this are:
• Say the person’s name:
o When you need to speak, start by saying the other person’s name.
People naturally stop and change what they’re focused on, if only
for a moment, when they hear their name. Next …
• Say, ‘Hold on a second’:
o These words, said with extreme calm and relaxation, stop the
person for a moment and change what he or she has been focused
on.
6. Make empathetic statements
The best statement you can make at this point is: ‘Let me make sure I
understand you. You’re saying …’ and then repeat what you’ve heard so
far. People will listen if they know you are going to say something they
just said. And when you repeat what you heard them say, make certain
that you …
7. Number items
When people are angry and upset, they are operating predominantly out
of the right, emotional side of their brain. In order to get them over to the
logical and rational side of the brain, given them a left-brain function like
counting in sequence. For example, you may say, ‘You’re saying: one,
you didn’t get the report in time; two, I didn’t have all the information you
needed; and three, it was not in the correct format, is that correct?’ In
order to comprehend what you are saying, the person has to flip to the
left-brain to follow the sequence.
8. You don’t need to make them right, but don’t make them wrong
When someone is at the height of anger, there is absolutely no way you
can talk the person out of those feelings. Instead say things like, ‘I
understand your feelings,’ or ‘I’m sure if I were in your place I would feel
the same way.’
9. Get solution orientated
If you are not sure how you can help, ask. If you are in a position to
provide help, list the steps you will take to assist the other person. If you
are not in a position to provide help, assist the angry person in locating
someone who can resolve the situation. Either way, use the words, ‘I
want to help.’ Let the other person know that you care about what he or
she is going through and that you are willing to assist in correcting the
problem.
Creative Education Limited 4753 Page 28
10. Eliminate the following statements:
• ‘if you will just calm down’
• ‘if you will just let me talk’
• ‘you’re being unreasonable’
• ‘exactly what’s your problem?’

 Share negative emotions only in person or on the phone. E-mails,Pepper your responses with the phrase, ‘I understand.’ This phraseTake notice when you feel threatened by what someone is saying toResist the temptation to defend yourself or to ‘shut down’ the otherPractice making requests of others when you are angry. It is oftenTry repeating the exact words that someone is saying to you whenThis mirroring technique can keep both the speaker and theTake responsibility for your feelings to avoid blaming others. NoticeLearn to listen to the two sides of the conflict that you are in as ifIf you can listen and respondTake a playful attitude towards developing the skill of emotionalYou could view maintaining selfcontrolWait a few days to cool down emotionally when a situation makesAs time passes, youMake a decision to speak with restraint whenever you are angry or

From an article by Clare Albright:

To be a safe and predictable person for those around you at work and at

home, it is essential that you are able to maintain your composure when you

feel like your 'buttons' are being pushed. This strength will help you to achieve

your goals in business as well as your goals for your personal relationships.

1.

answering machine messages, and notes are too impersonal for the

delicate nature of negative words. What feels devastating on paper may

feel far less threatening when delivered in person.

2.

will support your goals when the tension is high and you need to find

common ground to form compromises or agreements with the other party.

3.

you.

person's communication. It will take this kind of discipline to become an

open, trusting communicator.

4.

much more useful to make a request than to share your anger. For

example, if a member of staff is irritating you by leaving dirty cups around

the office or staff room, it is better to make a request of them than to let

your anger leak out in other ways such as by becoming more distant.

5.

they are in a lot of emotional pain or when you disagree with them

completely.

listener 'centred' in a difficult conversation, especially when the attitude of

the person doing the mirroring is to gain understanding of a different point

of view.

6.

when 'blame shifting' begins to leak into your speech. ‘I feel angry when

you are twenty minutes late and you don't call me’ is much better than,

‘You make me so angry by being late.’

7.

you were the mediator or the counsellor.

in this way you will bring peace and solutions to the conflict more quickly.

For example, in response to an employee's request for an increase in

salary, you might say, ‘On the one hand I understand that you really need

the raise, and on the other hand I represent the company, whose funds

are very scarce at this time. Is there a way that I can work on your

compensation package that does not involve cash?’ Here, the mediator's

 

Creative Education Limited 4753 Page 34

 

point of view can look for the creative compromise that takes into account

the limits and the needs of both parties.

8.

self-control in high conflict situations.

in a tense, angry conversation as an athletic feat. You could also

view developing this skill as similar to working out at the gym with weights

- the more that you use your self-control muscle the bigger it will grow and

the easier it will be to remain calm when tension is great.

9.

you feel wild with intense feelings, such as rage.

will be able to be more objective about the issues and to sort out the truth

about the situation more clearly.

10.

frustrated.

If you give yourself permission to blow up, people will not feel safe around

you. They will feel that you are not predictable and will carry 'shields' when

they are near you. The fear and walls of others will not support your goals for

success in relationships or at work.